i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
