Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
