the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I touched a dick in church today
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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