I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my sisters under your porch take her home
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
