I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
