I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
