hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
