Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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