I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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