I've blown a few things in my day
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
zippers are such a cool invention
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
