Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh god it's open bar.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
