im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
