Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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