watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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