I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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