i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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