I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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