My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
