omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
