I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
