All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
