You smell like stripper and shame
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
