She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
