what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
