Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
