I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize