So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
