I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
