When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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