I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
These tits shall not be calmed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
