Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
