2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
