yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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