margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
