At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
