before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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