sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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