i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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