my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just want to make out with him forever
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
