take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
