this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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