Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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