Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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