my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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