'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
