I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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