My hair reeks of homosexuality.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
