i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This is my gift to your gina
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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