i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
