There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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