yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
