ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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