i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize