she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
