We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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