i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
