so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
