You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize