New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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