I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
