Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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