I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
as a side note pls kill me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
