I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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