i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
