Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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