Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
